It may not be an Official World Series** but last night’s 18-inning game was epic. And at 7.4 billable hours in length, it lasted long enough for me to pen the following. With apologies to Ernest Thayer circa 1888.
October 26, 2018
Casey at the Firm Mudville LLP
a limited liability partnership
The outlook wasn’t brilliant for Mudville LLP that day.
Collections way off budget; six months’ profits flushed away.
Expenses hitting record highs; and cash flow record lows.
Lawyers turned to bickering; yes, partners be-came foes.
A straggling few did resign in deep despair. The rest
Clung to hope which springs eternal in the human breast.
They thought, if only Casey could take over leadership;
They’d cede all plenary powers to Casey’s mighty grip.
But Flynn had seniority, as did Jimmy Kirk.
The former was a piker; the latter was a jerk.
Upon the collective multitude much expectation sat.
It would be so much better if Casey wore the CEO cap.
Then Flynn said he didn’t want the job, to the wonderment of all.
And Kirk, the much despise-ed, also declined the call.
No formal vote was needed, once we saw what had occurred.
Casey was Managing Partner; no longer was he third.
Casey promised higher profits, nothing less will ever do.
The firm will start earning money right out the old kazoo.
Rich multinational clients will begin to seek us out.
For with Casey at the helm, none dare doubt Mudville’s mighty clout.
We’ll attract the best of laterals, brimming with fantastic work.
We’ll offer ‘em lots of lucre and every conceivable perk.
Mergers are the answer; fat contracts are the lure.
Big profits will trickle down, of that he was very sure.
There was an ease in Casey’s manner in recruiting interviews.
No consulting hacks were needed; such advice he would eschew.
But he filibustered every question; yes, on-and-on he went.
Simply forecasting higher partner profits of ninety-plus percent.
Somewhere lawyers practice where the sun is shining still.
Associates are working hard, and partners don’t feel ill.
And somewhere lawyers smile, their futures not in doubt.
But there is no joy at Mudville LLP – Casey’s plan did not work out.
** An Official World Series must involve the Yankees.